still life :: knitting and impermanence

I’ve been carrying this sweater with me everywhere.  Row by row, I had the entire body of the sweater finished and bound off.  It was time to start the sleeves when I realized I’d made a huge mistake. I was pretty proud of myself for not having a total meltdown when I made the discovery.

The following evening, I sat down on the couch with my yarn winder, and row by row, I unravelled my work and re-wound the yarn into nice neat balls.  A bit heartbreaking, yes.

While telling my tale of woe today at the beach, I was consoled by two friends.  One (a fellow knitter) who simply shared in my agony, and the other who reminded me that this was a good lesson in the state of impermanence.

Indeed I have let go of this, and surely I can let go of more.

I was reminded of Erin’s post from earlier in the week, in which she shared her frustrations of motherhood.  I can so relate, and while I try to keep this space of mine focusing on the positive, I would be remiss if I didn’t speak honestly that I am struggling through a difficult patch right now.  It’s the honest truth that all of us mothers struggle on a daily basis. And it’s okay to struggle.  I just have to remember that “this too shall pass.” Words I think I should just have tattooed on my forehead. I need to remind myself that yes, sometimes life is struggle.  And that some days it isn’t.   It’s the attachment to the concept of happiness that makes it so difficult.  How can it be so simple?  I love this quote by Arnold H. Glasgow: “Nothing lasts forever, not even your troubles.”

Remember my word of the year? Mindfulness. It seems I fell off the wagon and I need to get back on.

Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.  It isn’t more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it. –Sylvia Boorstein