We were sick just a few weeks ago.  Just a little cold virus.  It took a while to make its way through the whole family.  Then just as we were all getting better, another one came.  I am really glad I had these dried elderberries stashed away.  Using this video, I made some elderberry syrup.  I think it’s delicious, but the kids aren’t really crazy about it.  Next time I think I’ll just use the berries and honey, omitting the spices.

I’m accepting this illness as gracefully as I can.  It’s a nice rainy day with some cool weather on the way.  A good day to hunker down with some good books, my knitting basket, and a cup of tea.

I had been wanting to celebrate Michaelmas with the kids since I first read about it, thinking it would be a great fit for The Boy, who has always had a passion for all things knightly.  Since I learned my lesson to not try to cram it all into one day like I did with Candlemas, I planned on a week’s worth of activities leading up to Michaelmas, but we were ill yet again, so all those plans went out the back door.  I ended up keeping it pretty simple.

In the afternoon, I helped the kids dye some old playsilks in a bath of boiling water and ground turmeric.  I was pleasantly surprised at how much they enjoyed it.

While the playsilks dried in the wind, we had a simple picnic dinner in our backyard, relishing the cooler weather at last.  After dinner, we laid on a blanket in the backyard and I read this delightful story of St. Michael by a Waldorf kindergarten teacher.  I then read Saint George and the Dragon, by Margaret Hodges and Trina Schart Hyman, which has been a favorite in our home for many years.  If you have never seen it, the text is an adaptation of The Faerie Queen by Edward Spencer, and it is just about as perfect as a children’s book can get.  We love it.

After we read our stories, I tied the silks into capes, and presented them to the children with the words from the St. Michael story, “I give to you a cape of light, to give you courage, strength and might.”

I never expected what came next, but the story and cape resonated so strongly with The Boy that he went and changed into a yellow shirt and donned a sword, scabbard, shield and gold helmet, and called himself The Gold Knight. The game went on for the rest of the evening and through the next day.

What I am starting to learn about with the Waldorf Festivals is that it’s not too important to explain why we celebrate, but to celebrate anyway, and let it resonate however it will.  As an adult, I suppose that the symbolism of “taming your dragons” before the long winter is important this time of year when the days get shorter and cooler, and we begin to feel the pull to withdraw inward.  I didn’t over-think it or over-explain it, I just kept it short and sweet, and age-appropriate and it worked.

Fall seems a long way off down here in Florida.  I know that if I am patient, it will arrive eventually.  So here I wait.  I cleared off the summer nature table yesterday.  I replaced the sunny yellow silk with an autumnal orange one.  A small pumpkin, a handmade (hibernating) bear and a few pinecones are all that sit there for now.  Even though I love the look of a full nature table that tells the story of so many adventures, I have to admit to also liking the bare look of a fresh and open nature table.  So many possibilities.  So many adventures just waiting to happen and discoveries to be made.

We began our celebration of fall yesterday with a homemade pumpkin pie from scratch.  What was a humble squash in the morning, was a delectable pie by dinner time.  I am trying to get the children involved in the kitchen, which really means I am trying to be more patient with them “helping” me. But they both helped yesterday in very real ways with this pie.  And rather than my usual, “would you like to help me with this?” I simply stated, “I need your help with this.”  And we were off.

We baked the pumpkin, scraped and mashed it.  We made a pie crust by hand and from scratch.  We rolled it out, baked it, then made our filling.  It was then baked again and we waited (somewhat) patiently for it to bake and cool.  This was a labor of love, with no corners cut.  This pie was our entire day’s work.  It was about the journey, not the destination.

What a sweet reward.

It’s amazing what tiny things you notice when you are only 35 inches tall.  The Girl found these hidden in our backyard under a much larger plant.  They were entirely invisible from my point of view.

“Look Mama, it’s magic!” she told me.

If only I could manage to stay in that place (literally and figuratively) all day.

“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” ~Franz Kafka

I’m reading the book Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes right now, and I couldn’t even wait until it was finished to talk about it here.  It has my brain positively buzzing.  In a good way.

For those of you who haven’t read it (it seems to be all over the blogosphere right now), it’s about how many modern families have chosen not to participate in our consumer-driven culture, and have decided to take a more holistic approach to running a house and/or raising a family.  Who knew how much politics, consumerism, lies and deceit have changed the way housewives work? The first section of the book is the “why” and the second section is the “how”.  I am still in the first section of the book, and the sheer amount of information in this book is staggering.  This woman has done her homework.

Some fantastic quotes from the book:

“The industrial revolution and subsequent rise of America’s consumer culture had demoted homemaking from a craft tradition to the mindless occupation of primping the house, shopping and chauffeuring.”

“…each of us has a calling or right livelihood  that enables us to serve the common good, and in finding this calling, we will be most happy. Few, if any spiritual teachings call us to seek the accumulation of money, stuff, power, or other purely selfish interests.  Further, in a life-serving economy, we individually accept responsibility for creating our own joys and pleasures.  We do not rely upon corporate America to sell us these things.  We take personal and collective responsibility for supplying many of our needs.  In taking these steps, we discover that true economic assets, unlike money, are intangible.”

“…the more homemakers are able to do for themselves–whether it be cooking, preserving or growing food, mending clothing or purchasing it used, fixing cars and appliances to avoid replacing them, cleaning with vinegar and water rather than toxic chemicals, or making rather than buying gifts and toys–the less time they exchange for money, the fewer natural resources they require from the planet, and the less they rely upon (and the less they are complicit in) the global extractive economy.”

And it just makes me so happy to read this book.  It’s so affirming to my life and how I have chosen to live and raise my family.  I think all mothers from time to time wallow in the thought that they are not doing enough, or the Right Thing.  But when I think about my life, and how my husband and I have made major sacrifices to be able to raise our children in the way that we feel is right, I realize that I am doing a lot and I am making the right choices. Compared to some I look like a complete nutjob, but thanks to the internet, and many blogs in particular, I know now that I am not alone.  And now I feel somehow justified that I want to make everything in my house (see my bio to the left).  I’m not crazy!

And let me say here, in the interest of full disclosure, that Ms. Hayes does not imply that Radical Homemakers are only women or housewives.  Men are Radical Homemakers, too.

This book is helping me re-affirm that I am indeed doing the right thing, and even though I don’t make a paycheck, what I do is very valuable.  Everything I do is important, and there are many facets of The Big Picture: the cooking from scratch, thrift shopping, sewing, knitting, canning, bread baking, toymaking, shopping at local organic farmer’s markets, and just plain choosing to say “no thank you” to a lot of things.  Always keeping these words in mind:

Use it up, wear it out, make do or go without.

All of these things (and more) do contribute in a small way to making the world a better place.  And this book has already taught me that being a housewife, or stay-at-home-mom, or homemaker, or whatever you want to call it, is important, and is not just taking the easy way out.  And according to Shannon Hayes, it’s a downright political act.  No longer will I reluctantly have to say “I’m a full-time mom,” when I’m asked the dreaded cocktail party question, “so what do you do?”  (I never liked that question anyway, even when I had a paying job.)  Now I can say with pride, “I’m a radical homemaker.”

]]> http://www.thelaughingmonkey.com/blog/2010/06/15/on-being-a-radical-homemaker/feed/ 9 http://www.thelaughingmonkey.com/blog/2010/03/14/simplicity-parenting/ http://www.thelaughingmonkey.com/blog/2010/03/14/simplicity-parenting/#comments Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:26:12 +0000 admin http://www.thelaughingmonkey.com/blog/?p=2237 I love this book.  No other parenting book has ever spoken to me in a way that so completely embodies the kind of parent I want to be.  I read through it, marking many, many pages, and I plan to go through it again with a fine tooth comb, so to speak. I don’t really read [...]]]>

I love this book.  No other parenting book has ever spoken to me in a way that so completely embodies the kind of parent I want to be.  I read through it, marking many, many pages, and I plan to go through it again with a fine tooth comb, so to speak.

I don’t really read a lot of parenting manuals anymore.  Lately I try to just follow my instincts.  This book filled me with ideas on how to create more tranquility in our home.  And every family could use more of that, especially those with a boisterous boy like mine.

I knew I was onto something big when I got to chapter four: Rhythm. No kidding.  After all the talk in my life about finding my rhythm, there is a whole chapter on it in this book.

The whole concept of the book is well, simple.  Simplifying toys, schedules, diet, information, choices.  I’ve already pulled out a bunch of toys from the kids’ room, and they weren’t even missed.  We didn’t really have a lot to begin with because our children share a very small room, and we have to keep it pared down in there.  I have always fought tooth and nail to keep out the plastic, the flashing, and the beeping toys.

I’m already seeing how when children are offered too many choices, it can be overwhelming.  We have a drawer full of cheap crayons.  There are hundreds of them in there, all broken and half-peeled.  The Girl received a nice set of Lyra beeswax crayons for christmas, and they are gorgeous.  The colors are intense, they feel velvety smooth on paper, and they are simply a delight to use and hold.  And there are only ten of them.  These crayons sit in the art bin, on a shelf accessible by the kids.  But these crayons are treated with a little more respect because they have a special place, they are used with loving intention, and they are not just thrown in a drawer with hundreds of others.  I think this is a good example of what Kim John Payne is trying to say in his book.  A hundred broken crayons in a drawer aren’t important.  Ten beautiful crayons in a beautiful oak box are.

Here’s how Kim John Payne describes it in Chapter one, “Why Simplify?”

What we “see,” what we bring our attention and presence to, is at the heart of who we are.  And for our children, it is at the heart of who they are becoming.  Why simplify?  Because by simplifying our children’s lives we can remove some of the stresses of too-much and too-fast that obstruct their focus and interfere with an emotional baseline of calm and security.  A little grace is needed, after all, for them to develop in to the people they’re meant to be, especially in a world that is so constantly bombarding them (and us) with the distractions of so many things, so much information, speed, and urgency.  These stresses distract from the focus or “task” of childhood: an emerging, developing sense of self.

I really cannot say enough wonderful things about this book.  It sits on a shelf next to my copy of Buddhism for Mothers.

Since writing about sleep and rest yesterday, I have been thinking about napping.  We are big nappers in our house.  The Boy napped until age four, and I can still get him to occasionally take a nap with me.  The Girl still naps every day, and I hope she will continue to nap for as long as her brother did.

When the Boy was a baby, he was a terrible sleeper, so I usually napped with him, at least once a day, sometimes twice.  When I became pregnant with The Girl, all I wanted was sleep.  I couldn’t believe how tired I was all the time.  Absolutely tired, all the way down to my bones.  I had to sleep, so I napped with The Boy.  When The Girl was born, I would take both of them to bed with me, and we would all nap together.

I still nap with The Girl on occasion.  If I am feeling tired or run-down, I will nap with her in the afternoon.  I still feel like I am tired often, and feeling run-down and fatigued from tending children and a home all day.  I know I am so fortunate to be able to nap in the afternoons if I need it.  But I feel that my health and energy are worth it.

Sometimes I choose to have quiet time for myself during nap time, but I try to take that time for myself to do some quiet work of my own, usually knitting, reading, or blogging.  I find it really helps me deal with the high energy of the kids, if I can have even twenty minutes of quiet time for myself.  Yes, there is always work to do, but my peace of mind depends on a little break in the middle of the day.

So every day, around one o’clock (or after lunch) we have quiet time in our house.  Even if The Boy opts not to have a nap (and these days he chooses not to), we still have an hour or two of quiet time, where everyone is expected to have some quiet, alone time.  I think in the ebb and flow of the day’s energy, it’s important to have some quiet down-time in the midst of a busy and playful day.

I think Shea Darian says it best in her book Seven Times the Sun:

One helpful tool when creating daily rhythm for your family is to think of it as a “breathing” exercise.  “Breathing in” is a time when one can focus inwardly and privately.  This might include such activities as reading by oneself, stringing beads, resting, etc.  “Breathing out” is a time of moving out to interact with the external environment.  Such activities might include free-play with others, making a craft project together, visiting friends, etc.  After an out-breath, an in-breath is natural and necessary.  As in any relationship, a balance of intimacy and privacy, as well as activity and rest, is important.  Remember to give both yourself and your child some “breathing room.”

I find that after everyone has had some quiet time, that we are all ready to have some together time afterwards.  I never realized it until recently, but quiet time has always been an important part of our day, since the very beginning.

Since we are now honoring more yearly rhythms in our family, (and really, who needs an excuse to celebrate?) we celebrated Candlemas/Imbolc/Groundhog Day yesterday.  Even though our celebration borrows a bit from many traditions, I have chosen to simply call it Candlemas.  Candlemas is a cross-quarter holiday, which means it falls at the midpoint between the winter solstice and the spring equinox.  In a nutshell, it’s about welcoming the return of the sun after the darkness of winter.

The ancient Celts began celebrating this holiday in honor of their goddess Brigid.  Goddess of fire, healing, poetry, home, and fertility, she is the keeper of the eternal sacred flame, and ushers in the arrival of Spring.  Any remaining yule greens would be removed from the home and burned, thus sending winter on its way.  It is a time for a cleansing of the home, both literally and figuratively.  The Celts called their celebration Imbolc, which means “in the belly” referring to the pregnancy of the ewes.  Imbolc is still celebrated by pagans today.

When Christianity swept the globe, the church realized that they could not prevent the people from celebrating their goddess, so they sainted her and renamed her Brigit.  Thus it became that Candlemas is a day that candles are made, or brought to the church to be blessed.  It is considered the day that Mary and Joseph brought the infant Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem.

From Candlemas, the holiday became Groundhog Day in the US and Canada.  Long ago, it was believed that hibernating animals began awakening on this day.  If the groundhog fails to see his own shadow (due to overcast weather) the worst of winter is over, and spring is on its way.  Spring doesn’t arrive officially until March 20th, however I’m happy to report that our “groundhog” did not see his shadow yesterday.

It used to be believed that due to the lengthening daylight hours that occur around Candlemas, housewives of long ago would no longer need to work by candlelight in the morning.  Hence the saying, “candlemas, candle-less.” And indeed, in our little home, we noticed just a few days ago that we are now eating our evening meal while the sun is still out.  Spring is coming!

While I shared simplified versions of these traditions with my children in the morning, I’ll admit that most of this research has been for my own benefit.

In preparation for the changing of the nature table, The Daddy Monkey and I made the figures above.  Brigid, lamb and ewe.  I designed and drew them on the oak board, The Daddy cut them out, and I sanded and painted them.  I am so in love with them.  I cleared away the winter nature table, and replaced it with a white silk, our figures, the freesia we planted, and the beeswax candles I made.

I made our favorite pancakes for breakfast, a round symbol of the sun.  We ate breakfast by candlelight, which the kids thought was a novel idea.

I was originally planning on making candles with the kids, but once I thought about it, I realized that me + 2 hyper kids + hot wax = a trip to the emergency room.  So I made beeswax candles by myself.  The whole project took less than an hour, and I have to admit that I am now completely head over heels for beeswax candles.  I cannot get enough of that fragrance.

I made two Brigit’s crosses out of wheat, with The Boy’s help.

We planted a basket of wheat grass for the nature table.

We read poems (Shel Silverstein) in honor of Brigid. Bedtime stories were The Happy Day and A Little Bit of Winter, both from our own collection and both perfect for Candlemas. (I’m so sad to see that A Little Bit of Winter is out of print.)

I know most families don’t celebrate Candlemas, but for us, I think it was a perfect fit.  Living in Florida, it’s about this time of year that we start seeing longer days and warming temperatures.   All in all, I’m glad I did all the work leading up to this, and I know that next year’s celebration will be much easier, now that I know all of the stories and traditions.  It was a special, fun day, but I think next year, I will stretch out the activities over a week or so, rather than making it all happen on one day.  It seemed like a bit too much for me. I also look forward to including the kids a little more in our celebration next year.

Special thanks to all the links I’ve included above, the book “All Year Round,” and the countless bloggers over in my blogroll who have written about their Candlemas celebrations of years past. I’ve tried to link to information that I read online, but I’ll admit it all started to blur together after a while.

I think one of the most important traits that a parent can have is humility.  For me, that means being able to admit to my mistakes and see opportunities to do things better in the future.  To parent organically; always evolving to the needs of my ever-changing children.

Lately, my mothering instincts have been leading me more towards the Waldorf philosophy.  I read a lot about Waldorf when The Boy was a wee babe, and while I was inspired by most of it, a lot of it did not work for us.  Since I was in the early stages of my mothering, I saw it as an all-or-nothing kind of deal.  I thought that I could never possibly live up to the ideals of some Waldorfers, and that I may as well not even try.  Now that I’ve found a little more balance, I am able to see that I can simply use what works for me and my children, and leave the rest.

I am by no means an expert, and if someone asked me if we were Waldorf parents, I would say no, but some of it really appeals to me, and works for my children:

• the importance of rhythms (daily, weekly, yearly) to create a sense of security and tranquility
• the importance of play and lack of emphasis on early academics and over-scheduling
• the belief that fantasy and imagination are absolutely vital for young children
• an emphasis on natural and handmade playthings
• the belief that children learn best through imitation and participation
• encouraging a connection with nature, and spending time outdoors
• the importance of movement for young children (this one is especially vital for The Boy)
• the importance of working with the hands (modeling, painting, knitting, sewing)
• the need for “down-time” and a quiet home that can be thought of as a refuge from the busy world

Since I’ve learned that parenting is not an all-or-nothing deal, I have been able to relax a bit more and welcome this philosophy back into our home.  It feels so good to me and so right for where we are right now. I’m happy and delighted to discover new ideas and  traditions, and and I am excited about the promise of what is yet to come.  And now that I know that I do not have to hold myself to the standards of anyone else, and that I can simply do what works best for us, I feel like I’ve just graduated as a mother. Like I’ve just discovered some secret door that I didn’t even know existed.