This was the scene in my dining room today.  While The Girl napped, I painted for the first time since I found out I was pregnant with her, over three years ago.  This is the painting I had to stop working on, and it has hung in my kitchen, unfinished, for three years.

I hardly remembered what to do today, but then I remembered why I love it so much.  It was terrifying, clumsy, and exhilarating.

I’ll share progress soon.

Playing along with Amanda today.  In her words: {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Playing along with Amanda today.  In her words: {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see.

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. -Khalil Gibran

I’ve been trying to keep this quote in my heart and my mind for the past few days.  I have been so grouchy in the mornings lately, especially since it’s so cold and dark in my house when The Girl wakes me up.  Come on spring!

Since we are now honoring more yearly rhythms in our family, (and really, who needs an excuse to celebrate?) we celebrated Candlemas/Imbolc/Groundhog Day yesterday.  Even though our celebration borrows a bit from many traditions, I have chosen to simply call it Candlemas.  Candlemas is a cross-quarter holiday, which means it falls at the midpoint between the winter solstice and the spring equinox.  In a nutshell, it’s about welcoming the return of the sun after the darkness of winter.

The ancient Celts began celebrating this holiday in honor of their goddess Brigid.  Goddess of fire, healing, poetry, home, and fertility, she is the keeper of the eternal sacred flame, and ushers in the arrival of Spring.  Any remaining yule greens would be removed from the home and burned, thus sending winter on its way.  It is a time for a cleansing of the home, both literally and figuratively.  The Celts called their celebration Imbolc, which means “in the belly” referring to the pregnancy of the ewes.  Imbolc is still celebrated by pagans today.

When Christianity swept the globe, the church realized that they could not prevent the people from celebrating their goddess, so they sainted her and renamed her Brigit.  Thus it became that Candlemas is a day that candles are made, or brought to the church to be blessed.  It is considered the day that Mary and Joseph brought the infant Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem.

From Candlemas, the holiday became Groundhog Day in the US and Canada.  Long ago, it was believed that hibernating animals began awakening on this day.  If the groundhog fails to see his own shadow (due to overcast weather) the worst of winter is over, and spring is on its way.  Spring doesn’t arrive officially until March 20th, however I’m happy to report that our “groundhog” did not see his shadow yesterday.

It used to be believed that due to the lengthening daylight hours that occur around Candlemas, housewives of long ago would no longer need to work by candlelight in the morning.  Hence the saying, “candlemas, candle-less.” And indeed, in our little home, we noticed just a few days ago that we are now eating our evening meal while the sun is still out.  Spring is coming!

While I shared simplified versions of these traditions with my children in the morning, I’ll admit that most of this research has been for my own benefit.

In preparation for the changing of the nature table, The Daddy Monkey and I made the figures above.  Brigid, lamb and ewe.  I designed and drew them on the oak board, The Daddy cut them out, and I sanded and painted them.  I am so in love with them.  I cleared away the winter nature table, and replaced it with a white silk, our figures, the freesia we planted, and the beeswax candles I made.

I made our favorite pancakes for breakfast, a round symbol of the sun.  We ate breakfast by candlelight, which the kids thought was a novel idea.

I was originally planning on making candles with the kids, but once I thought about it, I realized that me + 2 hyper kids + hot wax = a trip to the emergency room.  So I made beeswax candles by myself.  The whole project took less than an hour, and I have to admit that I am now completely head over heels for beeswax candles.  I cannot get enough of that fragrance.

I made two Brigit’s crosses out of wheat, with The Boy’s help.

We planted a basket of wheat grass for the nature table.

We read poems (Shel Silverstein) in honor of Brigid. Bedtime stories were The Happy Day and A Little Bit of Winter, both from our own collection and both perfect for Candlemas. (I’m so sad to see that A Little Bit of Winter is out of print.)

I know most families don’t celebrate Candlemas, but for us, I think it was a perfect fit.  Living in Florida, it’s about this time of year that we start seeing longer days and warming temperatures.   All in all, I’m glad I did all the work leading up to this, and I know that next year’s celebration will be much easier, now that I know all of the stories and traditions.  It was a special, fun day, but I think next year, I will stretch out the activities over a week or so, rather than making it all happen on one day.  It seemed like a bit too much for me. I also look forward to including the kids a little more in our celebration next year.

Special thanks to all the links I’ve included above, the book “All Year Round,” and the countless bloggers over in my blogroll who have written about their Candlemas celebrations of years past. I’ve tried to link to information that I read online, but I’ll admit it all started to blur together after a while.

Since we’re about to clear out our winter nature table to make space for Candlemas, I thought I would share it here.  This is the first “official” nature table I have set up for the kids, and they loved it!  That’s the freesia we planted a few weeks ago.  I’m always amazed at how quickly forced bulbs grow.

I will really miss this little guy!  Scene from The Tomten and the Fox, by Astrid Lindgren.

My uncle gave me this crystal many years ago, but I never thought to pull it out for the kids until now.  The Boy loved this thing, and the crystal was involved in many of his games.  Seriously, one of the best playthings we’ve seen in a while.  This thing got way more action than half of the toys he received for Christmas.

Shells and pine cones found on our solstice nature walk.

Spring, here we come!

I think one of the most important traits that a parent can have is humility.  For me, that means being able to admit to my mistakes and see opportunities to do things better in the future.  To parent organically; always evolving to the needs of my ever-changing children.

Lately, my mothering instincts have been leading me more towards the Waldorf philosophy.  I read a lot about Waldorf when The Boy was a wee babe, and while I was inspired by most of it, a lot of it did not work for us.  Since I was in the early stages of my mothering, I saw it as an all-or-nothing kind of deal.  I thought that I could never possibly live up to the ideals of some Waldorfers, and that I may as well not even try.  Now that I’ve found a little more balance, I am able to see that I can simply use what works for me and my children, and leave the rest.

I am by no means an expert, and if someone asked me if we were Waldorf parents, I would say no, but some of it really appeals to me, and works for my children:

• the importance of rhythms (daily, weekly, yearly) to create a sense of security and tranquility
• the importance of play and lack of emphasis on early academics and over-scheduling
• the belief that fantasy and imagination are absolutely vital for young children
• an emphasis on natural and handmade playthings
• the belief that children learn best through imitation and participation
• encouraging a connection with nature, and spending time outdoors
• the importance of movement for young children (this one is especially vital for The Boy)
• the importance of working with the hands (modeling, painting, knitting, sewing)
• the need for “down-time” and a quiet home that can be thought of as a refuge from the busy world

Since I’ve learned that parenting is not an all-or-nothing deal, I have been able to relax a bit more and welcome this philosophy back into our home.  It feels so good to me and so right for where we are right now. I’m happy and delighted to discover new ideas and  traditions, and and I am excited about the promise of what is yet to come.  And now that I know that I do not have to hold myself to the standards of anyone else, and that I can simply do what works best for us, I feel like I’ve just graduated as a mother. Like I’ve just discovered some secret door that I didn’t even know existed.

Last year, I made balance my word of the year, and it was in my thoughts every day.  I made great strides in finding the right way to balance my needs with those of my children and husband.  The Boy started going to school after five years at home with me, and The Girl is now weaned and sleeping in her own bedroom.  I really started making an effort to take care of myself more.  I’m really proud of all of it.

By seeking rhythm this year, I hope to find the right time and the right place for everything.  To be more steady in my movements and thoughts, and to try to slow down a bit, knowing that every idea’s time will come eventually.  I don’t have to try to do everything at once. I’m also working towards finding more rhythm with the kids.  We’ve got a lot of our daily rhythms in place, but I feel there is always room for improvement.  It became clear from the very start that rhythm and routine were what worked for The Boy, and it’s what works for me, too.

There have been several “road signs” along the way that have shown me that I’m on the right path this year, and we’re only a few weeks in.  The few steps I have taken already have really resonated with the kids, especially The Boy.

I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for us.

Like every other Mama I know, I have been feeling overwhelmed.  I remember when The Boy was born, I thought that the craziness would end someday when he was no longer an infant, and I would be left with calmness and stability.  But now I realize that life with children is just chaos.  All the time.

Emotionally, I keep looking forward to a day when I can just relax, knowing that the laundry is done, dinner is cooked, and the house is perfectly organized and decorated.  But intellectually, I know that day will never come.  Be here now.  I get it.  How many times have I written about this?

I just can’t believe the busyness of life that children bring along.  Not only in their seemingly endless energy, but in the sheer amount of work that they entail.  And I love it.  I love being a mama and I feel that for the first time in my life, I love my job and I am good at it.

But I just can’t seem to finish what I set out to accomplish.  And I have to remind myself that I am feeling a little more frustrated than usual because we are just coming off of nearly three weeks of sickness in our little family of four, and I am worn out.  I’m just coming out of that place where the only things you can do are those essential to survival: cooking, baths, and maybe some laundry.

And I know that if I look back, I actually do get a lot accomplished.  But I never get enough accomplished, it seems.  Isn’t that human nature?  To always want more?

Even though the weather is not very fall-ish where I am, and I’m still running my air conditioning most days, I am internally feeling the pull of autumn.  The cooler mornings, the few red leaves in my driveway, the change in the daylight.  I am feeling that pull inward.  The pull to go inside, literally and figuratively.

And those few moments when I can remember to just let it all go–and just be fully present in the moment–they are magical.  And I seem to magically have endless amounts of patience.  It’s a small miracle, really.

The other day The Girl woke up from her nap, and I went to her and picked her up, and rocked her to ease her transition from sleeping to awake.  She seems to wake up crabby from her naps most of the time.  Sometimes I am frustrated by her grouchiness, and try to get her to go play so I can finish whatever it was I was working on.  But that day I just somehow didn’t.  She had taken a nice long nap, and I actually felt like I got a lot accomplished, and I wasn’t as anxious to get back to it.

I rocked her.  I sang to her.  She slowly came to and then we just spent time together.  We chatted, played a bit.  Then she asked me to paint her toenails, so I put on some music (my Madeleine Peyroux station on last.fm) and we painted our toes.  It was so fun and so sweet.  And I realized that in that moment, I was happy sitting on my filthy floor just being with her.

How is it I get to share my life with these amazing little people?  Some days I’m floored by the hugeness of it.  My heart feels like it’s going to explode with love.

Other days, I’m so overwhelmed I feel like I am going crazy.  What’s the difference?

Mindfulness.  It’s the secret to everything, I’m convinced.

I’m rushing about always getting frustrated that I can’t Get It All Done.  I’ve been dealing with child meltdowns nearly every day after school for the past few weeks.  Child meltdowns that lead to Mama meltdowns.  That time between four and seven p.m. is the most stressful of my day.  Trying to reconnect after a day apart, getting homework done, playing, and cooking dinner, all while everyone is just plain tired, is becoming stressful.

How am I ever to teach my children to be peaceful in the present moment when I cannot even manage to do that myself?  I really couldn’t figure it out.  Then it hit me.  It’s the same thing I’ve been struggling with for years.  It’s all about mindfulness.  I don’t have to teach my children to be peaceful in the present moment.  I have to be peaceful in the present moment.

It’s about the simple moments. All our children really want is for us as parents to be fully present with them. To be in the current moment. That’s the world kids live in and as adults it’s hard for us to do that–we are so concerned with the future and the past.

I have got to realize that I’m simply never going to get it all done.

So as a reminder to myself, I painted these words over the doorway between the dining room and kitchen, where I will be most likely to see it many times a day.